Dear Whitehouse,

I never thought something like this would happen to me...

If you got that joke, you're a pervert. Congrats.

Anyway, I'm not here toady to talk to you about charger kits, nerf guns, stupid emails, or Jack Gerrardo. I'm here today to talk to you about the ESA and the curious antics of the Legislative branch of the Gubberment.

The Electronic Software Association (ESA) is a kind of catch-all organization for furthering the image and agenda of the video games industry. They're responsible for E3, the Electronic Software Ratings Board (ESRB) ratings that appear on every commercially released video game to let parents know how stupid they are for buying God of War for their ten-year-old, they conduct research about gamers and gaming trends, and they do their best to stop lawmakers from passing unconstitutional laws making it illegal to sell violent games to minors when it's perfectly legal to sell them porno or let them watch Hostel.

Illinois recently passed such a law, the ESA took them to court over it.

The thing I'm most pleased with the ESA for lately is the Video Game Voters Network. When I first heard the name, I thought it was yet another way to vote Zelda as the best roleplaying game ever, but it is in fact the opposite. The network aims to demonstrate that gamers are, in fact, voters and should be represented as such to the people making such asinine laws. By filling out a simple form, you can join the network and they will send a letter to your local congressman on your behalf, urging them not to support the "The Family Entertainment Protection Act," which singles out video games and would make it illegal throughout the entire country for a store to sell violent games to minors. The EFF, TrueMajority Action, and other groups do that letter-sending stuff for you as well, but the Videogame Voters Network is less about partisan politics and entirely about the Constitution.

There is a letter from Will Wright urging gamers to be heard on this issue. Will Wright is the creator of the Sim City and The Sims franchises, is very much a genius, and there should be books written about him. His main argument is that the FEPA legislation would create a plateau in game development as everybody would be afraid of breaking the law so every game would boring and stale.

That's a very valid argument, but it misses the key point: the Constitution. In America, we're guaranteed the freedom to engage is any form of expression we choose. We can appreciate the artwork of fascists, we can listen to music and watch films that would be outlawed in other countries, and we can even have religions based on the writing of a dead Science Fiction author that purports that our bodies are inhabited by the concentrated spirits of dead aliens who were killed by an alien who still lives under a volcano somewhere on Earth. The FEPA would make it illegal to sell video games to minors if they're deemed "violent". Who determines what games are violent anyway? Mario kills turtles and hurls orbs of fire at his enemies. What if a minor's parents give him or her permission to buy the game? Has the store still broken the law? What about 17 year olds, who (even though there is no law preventing minors from watching rated R movies) is allowed to watch rated R movies and drive a car but is still a minor; can he not buy violent video games?

No form of entertainment content has ever been censored by the Government. If they're allowed to say children cant play certain games, what's to stop them from saying they can't read Huck Finn or Darwin if they want to? Why not make it illegal for white people to read supremacist literature, or for anybody to read the Koran? Hey, if it will stop a bit of violence who cares if we strip people of a few rights?

The Family Entertainment Protection Act doesn't protect families, it protects parents from taking any responsibility for their children. If a kid plays a violent game intended for adults and his mind gets warped, how is this the fault of a retail store? Stores aren't supposed to raise kids, and the government isn't supposed to raise kids. I'd be more in favor of making it illegal to not know what your minor kids are doing all day or what games they're playing.

I'm sick of standing by while very old and very rich people make decisions about something they know next to nothing about. New surveys indicate that the average gamer is 30 years old, pays his taxes, and votes. I say we remind these congressmen that we're the people who decide what they do. Lawmakers aren't supposed to do what they think is right, they're supposed to do what we tell them to. Something about taxation without representation.. some guy said that, some old famous guy who also said that as citizens of a free country we should decide for ourselves how to express ourselves.

Yes, children playing GTA and other violent games is a horribly bad thing. Kids get screwed up in the head and go shoot their friends because nobody told them that games are just make believe. It's very inconvenient that we have to lecture children about right and wrong, and very tedious that we have to make sure they aren't consuming violent media. The Bill of Rights, like any bill, must be paid for. I'd rather we pay for our rights with a bit of inconvenience and tedium than to pay for convenience at the expense of our rights.